Short Update

Hiya,

Things are better than the last adoption post. I was overreacting and am well aware. We ended up meeting with our ACW* last Saturday and went over a few more questions. She was at the house for just shy of 2 hours which included walking around the house and seeing all the changes we’ve made. We’ve fully furnished Stormie‘s bedroom and moved Steve’s desk into our bedroom. Thank goodness the rooms are so large bc otherwise, all this furniture wouldn’t fit.

At the foot of the bed are 2 3-shelf bookshelves that he can use as a side table from the bed itself. They fit perfectly under the curve of the footboard.

I hung a shelf in the laundry room for the chemicals and cleaners.

We are going back in today for more questions. Honestly, I don’t know why they’re not all done at once like a couple from our PRIDE training, but c’est la vie. Maybe she’s required to see us a certain number of times. Whatever the case, I’m not sure.

* She made sure we realized that she is not our case worker and merely the person performing our home study. Once she finishes, we won’t be interacting with her again unless she happens to be the CW for our matched child.

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Missing Karen

Dear Karen,

I cannot believe I missed your birthday on Sunday! Does this mean I have finally come to terms with you being gone? Not likely. Maybe getting my memorial tattoo actually helped. I got an awesome owl in memory of you, my grandmother, grandfather and baby Kayla Rose. Oh Kay loved you so! Just like I did.

Life has been so crazy hectic lately. Between our upcoming adoption, working full time at one job, part time at another and freelancing 2 websites, I am bloody exhausted and barely know what day it is. Thank goodness for Steve keeping me grounded. I so wish you’d met him.. You would have absolutely loved him.

Actually, I so wish you were around to meet my future little Fletchling. On second thought, you have a ton of dirt on me, so maybe that’s not a great idea.I was talking to a friend today about all the places we loved in Gainesville and I was thinking about all our old hangouts.

And to talk to me. Oh I miss you so much that just thinking about you makes me start sobbing. In fact, right now my eyes are so watery and my nose is so runny that I can barely type.

I have so many wonderful memories with you as my surrogate parent and closest friend in Gainesville. Thank you so much for helping me through those 4 years of college. I am truly so thankful at having spent much of the last 2 years of your life with you before you and Harry moved to Colorado.

Still miss you muchly.

+++++

Karen was my neighbor and surrogate parents during college. She passed away May 6, 2006 from a massive heart attack.

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Furniture and Frustrations Galore

Not much is happening on our end..

The new furniture was delivered and it is awesome! I finally feel like we live in a grown ups home. The rug and couches make everything look so much better. The dresser is just amazing and so pretty that even if this adoption doesn’t happen*, we’re moving it into our bedroom. We’ve removed all the cartoon, superhero and Doctor Who artwork from all the walls and are going to hang it in the kids room. Yeah that sucked. I was so used to seeing the Andy Warhol-esque Darth Vader, psychedelic 4th Doctor, the Avengers arm wrestling and tribute to Jim Henson art in the bedroom. (What do you mean we have weird taste in art?? lol) Not to mention all the other art in the living room and kitchen.

Going along with the grown up theme, we took down everything and need to re-frame them all with black frames. Black couch, black frames, yellow walls (not our choice), and a multi-colored rug to tie everything together.

Steve has to re-do his fingerprints for some unknown-to-us reason so he’s going in Friday for that and to meet with our ACW. She wanted me to come down as well but I’m running a 600+ person event Friday at work so that’s not happening. Besides, she’s coming to our house on Saturday for home visit #2.

No, no she’s not. She just emailed to cancel.

I feel like a rock that was rolling along so nicely and gathering momentum that just smashed into a wall with a gap slightly smaller than the width of the rock. Like we have to fight to push through to get this done. Just letting the process work seems to not be working for us. In fact, it is frustrating both of us and normally Steve is pretty unflappable. He’s my rock and even he’s having issues with this whole process.

I know in the end we will have a child and be parents, but… when?

We set our 2nd home visit appointment nearly 3 weeks ago and she just said she had to reschedule due to “an unexpected conflict.” I’m sorry, but that’s not really our problem, is it? If I had a personal issue but had a work thing that was super important, I would have to alter my personal issue or find coverage for the work or personal thing. In fact, I had to email my boss to see if I could leave work early next Tuesday to go deal with this stuff.

This just makes me feel like she’s talking down to us: “Please remember even if the interviews are done in my office, that doesn’t replace that fact that I still need to do a walk thru in your apartment.” Am I over-reacting? Probably. It’s OK, I know this whole process is making me freak out over every little thing.

I really hope my next post has good news in it!

* …anytime soon. We’re getting pretty frustrated with the process, but not nearly as much as my friends M&E in Orlando!

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Furniture, Check!

My child has furniture!

We made the decision to use the nice sleigh bed frame in our storage unit for him/her so we just need to clean and set it up and buy a queen mattress.

Last night we went to RoomsToGo to a new couch and area rug for the family room and a dresser to match the bed frame for our child.

There are already 2, 3-shelf bookshelves in the room and we’re moving the couch from the living room into the bedroom for a reading area or whatever s/he wants it to be set up as.

This weekend we’re cleaning out the rest of the office including moving Steve’s desk into our bedroom to make it over as a bedroom. I will probably spend a lot of time in there just reveling in the fact that a little human will be living there soon.

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3 Years

3 years ago, we said I do.

Becca & Steve | (c) The Emerics | BeccaBlogs.com

I love you so much, Husband!

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Adoption Support Group

Yesterday, I went to my first adoption support group meeting. I finally met the very first person I spoke with at Our Kids back in April as she was one of the hosts for the meeting. Thanks to the power of Facebook and texting, I made plans to meet up with 2 other almost-mom’s – J and B – from our PRIDE class. Unfortunately, both were unable to go to the meeting in the end. It was a small group, only about 10 people, but it was interesting to hear from different stages of adoption. I went alone since Steve had to sleep for work last night, but we were the only couple pre-home study. There was a woman that had already adopted a baby, another woman going through the TPR process for her soon-to-be-adopted son, and a couple wanting to foster to adopt. After the meeting, I was able to get a little more insight into the process we’re going through.

We met B&R for breakfast and hang out for a couple hours with them. Yay for a social life! That will definitely be a repeat event in the near future. And one day… with our children!

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Religion for an Adopted Child

(link)

When we began this adoption process, we discussed what religion we would raise our child(ren) and never really came up with a clear answer. It mostly leaned towards whatever religion they wanted and we are certainly willing to explore other religions that we are all comfortable with.

I was raised Jewish… very lax, barely any Hebrew, public school, became a bat mitzvah at 13, confirmed at 16, worked at the temple in the kindergarten for several years and at a few Jewish summer camps, etc. Steve was raised Methodist by a fairly religious mother.

These days, the only religion we have is that I work at a religious school and get the many holidays off. We don’t attend church or synagogue. We exchange gifts on the gift-giving holidays, but not much more. My family often forgets the holidays, I put up my little Christmas tree and sometimes remember to put the menorah up next to it. Though, to tell the truth, I can’t remember the last time I actually lit candles for 1 night let alone 8.

As I mentioned, I work at a religious school – one of the several Jewish schools in the area. Since it is an Orthodox (the most strict) school, I was curious what would need to be done in the off chance that I actually wanted my child to attend. I don’t. Aside from the exorbitant prices, the education doesn’t seem that wonderful and I would much rather let me kids interact with children from all walks of life – every religion, background, upbringing – rather than just a small select group. The more I think about it, the happier I am with my child in a good public school.

Anyhow, a boy or girl adopted child without a clear-cut parental lineage/ religion would need to be vouched for by an Orthodox Rabbi and given a Jewish name. A girl child needs to be “purified” and dunked in the mikvah – a ceremonial bath. A boy child, however, would need a circumcision if it wasn’t done as an infant. If it was, there would still be a ceremony in which needles and blood was involved.

I’m going to have to go with a h-e-double hockey sticks no! on that one.

So I was tooling around in the Adoption section of Kveller.com and found this

Jewish law does allow for the conversion of babies and children under the assumption that being Jewish is a privilege that the child would want. The caveat is that when the child is 12 or 13 he or she must be presented with the option of renouncing his or her conversion. If, at that point, they choose to accept Judaism or are silent, they are deemed adult converts. (citation)

Basically, we will not be converting our child to any religion until he tells us himself. I will even go to church, temple or other religious building if he wants to explore other religions. There is so much other stuff to think about and I know once he comes to live with us most of this won’t matter anyhow.

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Moving Right Along..

It Takes a Village to Adopt a Child

Why yes, I do plan on using this for all my progress posts

More updates from the list of requirements

  • Drivers license’s DONE
  • Social security cards DONE
  • Marriage license DONE
  • Current lease DONE
  • Paystubs to show we’re gainfully employed – Mine are DONE, we either need to print his or note it in his bank statement
  • Tax returns for the last few years – just need to make the copies
  • Bank statements for all our accounts – Have for mine and our joint account
  • Lola and Phoenix vaccine records – need to make appointment for his annual then get printouts for both
  • Steve’s divorce decree
  • Physical’s for us both – need to make appointments
  • Employment verification for us both – mine is DONE and faxed back already. I emailed our ACW to let her know.
  • A voided check DONE
  • and a few others, plus all the forms and signatures required in the inch thick packet.

Also, I emailed one of my closest friends about the reference and need to mail her the form. Also, Steve’s mom will fill one out so I need to mail it to her as well. My aunt will probably do one as well. Now to contact the others and mail those off as well!

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