Ballerina

Ballerina Update

ballerina

I cannot go into great detail here about Ballerina, but I do have some information to share. Also, I’m referring to her as “Ballerina” as, even though she is in a Heart Gallery, the system doesn’t like their kids names and photos being displayed all over the place. We were told today that 90 days post-adoption, we can post anything we want about her including her new name.

But for now, what we know so far…

Therapists meeting, 5/15/14:

She is beautiful and smart and athletic. She’s [REDACTED] years old and would fit in really well with us. She plays video games, isn’t outdoorsy, and not religious. She’s a straight A student in [REDACTED] grade and wants to stay at her current school. Wants to be a doctor, very studious, totally driven. Her parents are both deceased and she is still dealing with that, obviously. She has an older brother but they’re not very close. She lives in a group home so there are no parents present which means there is no consequences, rewards, etc in place. She loves archery (thanks to Hunger Games) and ice skating.

We spoke to them for just over 2 hours then spent the rest of the day discussing what we learned. We spoke with OKB and discussed our next steps at length. Husband and I made the decision to move forward so I set up a meeting with her case worker and case manager. Yes, we asked every question on our list and then some.

Case Worker/ Case Manager meeting, 5/21/14:

I took 3 pages of notes, they gave us a bunch of information and now we have a decision to make. The next move is up to us at this point – moving forward and meeting Ballerina or deciding we just can’t handle this child and situation at this time based on what we know. We have a lot to contemplate especially with the big NFPA conference coming up. We told them we’re going to it, but also her CW is going out on maternity leave any day now. We will continue to deal with the CM and a replacement CW.

Due to full disclosure, we have her mother’s known history but not her father’s other than very basic information. Her parents were together for many many years and loved each other deeply. After her father passed away, mom had a really hard time. Ballerina has hit puberty (scary thought, but we’ll get through it together) but isn’t boy crazy and doesn’t have any interest in dating. (Wonder how long that’ll last!) She is very attached to her teachers and the staff at her school, but we are being encouraged to change her school if we choose to do so. She is super tech savvy and very attached to her laptop and cell phone. And she’s a klutz and drops stuff and trips all the time. Um, are we sure this child isn’t related to me? HA!

One of our favorite tidbits was learning that she already dresses modestly for a teen girl – no booty shorts or tight clothes – as that would’ve been amongst the first things we would change when she moved in. She told CW and CM that she wanted young, fun and hip parents. Amongst the coolest things is that she will have a brand new name, social security number and, essentially, a new identity. We will give her our last name, but IF SHE chooses to do so, she can select a new first and middle name as well. I don’t think she should, but it’s ultimately her decision.

spacer

Questions to Ask

ballerinaSooooooo…. we are meeting Ballerina’s therapist (TH) Thursday morning to ask him questions. So. Many. Questions.

Actually, we have a huge list that I need to better sort by the person being asked. I have questions for Ballerina herself, for TH and for her case worker. I’m not sure if it’s normally done this way, but we’re meeting with the adults in Ballerina’s life before we meet her to ask them all the details and go over any concerns we may have. Honestly, I think doing it this way is genius! I would never want to ask someone in front of a child about their history of abuse, why they’re in care, what their background is, etc. I would think it would cause a bit of a backslide to hear it all again.

We are meeting him Thursday. If we choose to move forward, we will then meet Ballerina’s case worker and the CW’s supervisor. And then, and only once we’re all satisfied with moving forward, we will meet Ballerina.

Here is the list I’ve compiled, in absolutely no order and unsorted. You’ll notice there are several duplicates as all I did was copy and paste all the input into a single file.

Why she came into care?
What trauma did she go through?
Does she have specific triggers?
Past diagnosis?  Current diagnosis?  Medication, Name, what for?  How many mg.?
In regards to treatment what issues is she still struggling with in therapy?
What are her treatment goals?
What challenging behaviors does she exhibit?
What is the most challenging/ inappropriate/ negative behavior(s) she has exhibited if any?
Do they know her likes and dislikes in hobbies, food, etc..
What are her strengths?
What are her social skills
Is she afraid of the dark
What triggers her outbreaks
Any habits does she have?
Is religion important to her? Which denomination does she identify with
Does she have a healthy appetite?
What is her history of abuse?
Does she want to be adopted?
Birth parents- both mother and father present?
Does she want to keep in contact with adult relatives?
What circumstances brought her into care?
What are the most important things you want us to know about you to make you happy and part of our family?
What was she told is the reason shes in care
Does she have a history of stealing, lying, pyromania, etc
What are her medical issues – physical, mental, emotional
How does she feel about adoption
What are her likes and dislikes
Does she have any hobbies
Is she creative
Does she like comics
What are her favorite shows, movies, music
Does she want to go to college
What does she aspire to be when she grows up
How has she been at forming attachments in foster care?
What things are the most important to her
Why did the child come in foster care
Does she have siblings and do they need to maintain contact?
Are there any other relatives that the child would like to maintain contact with
Is there any maternal or paternal history of mental illness, like depression, bi polar disorder, schizophrenia
Does she have a history of sexual abuse? If yes, has there ever been any sexual reactivity?
How many placements has she been in since being in foster care?
What were the circumstances of her failed adoption/ placement?
Is she on an IEP?
Is she developmentally on target?
What are her fears about adoption, if any
Has she ever expressed what she is looking for in a family?
Birth parents. – How long before their rights were revoked or they were TPR’d?
History of foster homes
What happened to end her last placement
Ice skating- How often does she get to go? Would she be interested in lessons?
Is she on any medication? Why? What is her diagnosis?
At school – Does she have friends? Many? Who does she hang out with?
How are her grades?
What does she do after school?
Has she has been in other trouble or is therapy due to foster care?
Does she like dogs? Cats?
Allergies?
Does she have siblings?
How many placements? Why did they fail?
What reasoning or discipline style does she respond to best?
What is her learning style?
What are her challenges at school?
What therapies is she receiving? What are the goals of the therapy?
Is she willing to transfer to a school or does she wish to stay in the same school.
How many different homes has she lived in?
How many potential placements?
How old was she when she was put in care?

Many many thanks to everyone on FB, twitter, at work, via email and, of course, here for giving us a chunk of these questions. You are all my rock stars!

spacer