child safety

3rd Visit with Ballerina

ballerinaIt’s amazing what one week and one extra visit can do.

We were supposed to meet Ballerina and TH on Sunday at 1:30 for a 1:40 movie. I say “supposed to” bc they were 2 hours late, but honestly, that’s not a story for the blog. We’ve reported it through all the channels both as it was happening and after the fact. Let’s just say that it has given us a lot to think on about this whole process.

While we waited, we were able to get a refund on our movie tickets and had lunch at Fridays. We also saw a friend that we haven’t seen in years (omg has it been that long?!) walking around the mall with her new husband and family. We also had plenty of time to figure out what we were going to do. And I don’t just mean on our play date. We questioned – a lot – if she really wanted this. From us.

We assumed that she had to go to church in the morning which is why he didn’t pick her up until 1:30. Come to find out at the end of our play date that she didn’t go to church. We were both beyond pissed bc we tried meeting them at 11am. TH told us they were running errands all day since his agency knew he was working anyhow.

We are beyond frustrated with this whole process and sadly, since our earlier frustrations, it’s only marginally better. If it wasn’t bad enough that the home study process was killing us, this definitely is. And unfortunately we don’t know how much of it was her not wanting to spend time with us and how much of it was him taking a long time running errands.

By the time they arrived, we’d pretty much given up and are planning on moving on to the next child. But then, of course, we had the best play date so far and I think it was because we decided we were going to give up and were more relaxed. I think she felt it because she was laughing right along with us and seemed a little bit more open. “It” being our not trying to force a relationship with her.

For the first maybe :30 I was pissed. So pissed. I wasn’t asking any questions and barely talking. We went to Hot Topic and she got what she needed to buy for her roommate. We love this store and she seems to as well. TH is not a fan of it at all. By the time we left there, I was feeling better. The saleslady asked Ballerina a question and she turned to me so I thought that was a little ask for help. Who knows. Maybe she just doesn’t like strangers.

At the end of our play date, we gave her my business card with Husband’s name and number written on the back. Essentially, we are leaving it up to her if she wants to see us again. It is in her hands. We will be in touch with her CW, but won’t be seeing Ballerina for at least 2 weeks. We are out of town next weekend for the NFPA conference which we told them about so they are aware. What she decides to do in terms of contacting us is up to her. So yes, she very well could be reading this right now and every other post that I have written about her. (Hi Ballerina! I hope you like your nickname.)

I think, as a parent, it’s very important for your children to know what you are feeling towards them. I know that she is not our child yet but I’m still peeved and so is Husband. We’ve had a few days, many conversations and many phone calls to discuss and reflect on our relationship with her to this point. We want to adopt her. We haven’t made a definitive decision bc we truly cannot blame her for what is happening. Could their lateness partly have been her fault? Maybe. But she is a child. Yes, at [REDACTED] years old, she is still a child regardless of what anyone says. She may be a teenager, but hasn’t had parental figures helping to mold and guide her in several years into adulthood. She needs parents to help her make decisions between right and wrong. She needs to know what is and isn’t appropriate. Sure, she is a genius, but book smarts only go so far. Whatever does happen, we only want the best for her be it as our daughter or part of another family.

ETA, 2:35pm, 6/3/14 – It’s been brought to my attention that, based on this post, it looks like we’re deciding whether or not to adopt Ballerina bc they were 2 hours late. That’s not the case at all. Keep in mind that this is a public forum and I cannot and will not post every little thing that’s happened, been done, been said, etc. Any misgivings we’re feeling are for specific reasons based on everything involved with this procedure. One event/ chain of events will not derail us into saying no. Everything about this whole process involves so much emotion, thinking, feelings, etc that putting it in writing is really difficult. Thanks for reading about our story!!

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So, I was voice posting this while driving to the train station yesterday morning. And when I finished I turned the radio on and this song came on. How appropriate! I mean aside from it being about romantic love…

Not A Bad Thing by Justin Timberlake

I know people make promises all the time
Then they turn right around and break them
When someone cuts your heart open with a knife and you’re bleeding
But I could be that guy to heal it over time
And I won’t stop until you believe it
‘Cause baby you’re worth it

[…]
If I had a pair of wings
I’d pick you up and fly you far away from here
And you’d put your worries upon my shoulders, my dear
Now I know I can’t save you
From the troubles of the world
And this sounds like such a silly thing
But if I could I’d fly you away
On a big old pair of wings

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Just Passing Time…

One year and one week ago, we made the decision to adopt from foster care. As much as I wish everything had gone according to [our] plan and we’d had a child in our home by Christmas, that didn’t happen. We’re still waiting for the approval.

During the year, we have cleaned out our 2nd bedroom/ office and furnished it completely for our Fletchling. We got rid of a lot of clutter. We moved husband’s huge desk into our bedroom leaving the 2nd bedroom useless for 8 months. OK not entirely useless, the cat lives in there. I installed shelving to keep the cleaners and chemicals far out of a child’s (and almost my) reach. We bought new couches and they’re almost totally paid off. We made a lot of mental changes to adapting to being a family of 3. We discussed lowering our age range. I have attended countless adoption and foster support meetings and conferences and made invaluable friendships of other parents going through the same thing we’re dealing with and more. We made several other changes, but we still have a long way to go.

I am still hoping that we’ll get our results and approval this week, but I’m not holding my breath.

Also, I’ve been working on a pretty comprehensive Timeline.

I might’ve also become addicted to doing my nails. Being a thumb sucker for 5+ years then a nail biter for 30+ years, my nails were always crappy and ragged bc I bit them. Keeping polish on them has actually made me stop chewing on them! I joined the Julep Maven program and got my first box for FREE. Clicking that link or the icon in the sidebar – and using the code FREEBOX – will get you a free box as well. No, I’m not being compensated for this post (or any for that matter) to talk about them. I’ve also been using Sally Hansen, Rimmel and Wet N Wild polishes. I just happen to like the Julep ones the best.

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Can’t Wait for Carseats

I might be totally strange, but I cannot wait to have a carseat in the back of my car.

When I purchased my Luna nearly 4 years ago, I intentionally purchased a car large enough for rear facing car seats and lots of cargo space for when my kids grow up and have lots of sporting equipment to haul around. Apparently I was expecting hockey/football playing boys or whatever sports girls typically play that involves large equipment.. I traded in a car I still very much miss, but just plain wasn’t large enough for the gaggle of babies I pictured in the backseat.

Well, not gaggle. Just 2 or 3.

Little did I know that I could have kept my beautiful sparkly red Moxie as there will never be rear facing carseats in my car.

During our process of furniture shopping for the Fletchling (a name Steve really doesn’t like!) I have also been looking at booster seats thinking we’d pre-purchase them so we’d be prepared. We haven’t bought anything except for furniture at this point.

boosterseat

Image Source: TheCarSeatLady on Facebook

And then, I saw the above graphic on a friend’s Facebook page and learned something. The maturity component is a new one to me. I always thought age and weight was the only thing determining when to go from 5 point harness to booster seat. Since we don’t know what age child we’ll be adopting, we certainly don’t know his/her height, weight or maturity level. We will definitely be waiting until we meet and are matched to purchase car seats for our cars.

In very fun news… I am participating in a blog crawl for National Adoption Month. Check out all the possible entry avenues below. There is a wealth of information on the entire adoption process from all angles.. and not just foster care adoption like we’re doing

a Rafflecopter giveaway

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