It’s become more and more of a reality that I am infertile. Why did I come to this conclusion? Well, it’s a simple (and heartbreaking) realization that the problems I had as a child are still looming over my head. Huh? When Aunt Flow first visited back in junior high, she was never regular. She’d rear her ugly head 4-5 times a year and stay for about 2 weeks. Oh, c’mon now, don’t be jealous.
Fast forward to the college years when I got sick of never knowing. I took myself to the doctor and left with a wonderful packet of pills guaranteeing that I would know exactly when AF would arrive each month. It was a fabulous run… until I went off them last year as I knew it could take a few months to get out of my system.
As for AF these days? Well, she hasn’t shown up in 4.5 months. Apparently it took my system 5 months to fully be rid of the effects of those pills.
Do you know how heartbreaking that is to a woman that wants to have children?
Yes, I do plan on seeing a doctor. Eventually. I have been uninsured since May and simply can’t afford to go to a doctor. Yes, Planned Parenthood is an option. They’ve been one of the few options I’ve had the majority of my life, thank goodness. When you don’t make a lot of money personally, but have a husband earning considerably more, not even Medicaid is an option.
No, I wouldn’t have a problem accepting assistance when it comes to my health. I will gladly take any assistance on the planet if it meant I could go to a doctor again.
This afternoon I started looking into infertility support groups and fertility clinics in the area. Not that we can afford those clinics. But I did find out that the fact that I’ve been irregular ever since AF reared her ugly head means weight isn’t an issue. Sure, being this large isn’t helping, but it’s not really hurting either. That was pretty amazing to read. One of these days when I do make it to a doctor, chances are it’ll be a hormone imbalance.
Whatever the case may be, it’s still not a fun prospect.
And for this reason (all the hoops to do things naturally), hubby is all about adoption. I am too, don’t get me wrong. I just want to be a mommy. Sure, I would love to experience pregnancy, but a child is a child no matter who’s genes their carrying. I don’t need to share DNA to love a child. It just hurts knowing that something I’ve wanted for so long might not happen.