Hi! I didn’t post after the CW and CM visit, but Thursday afternoon, Husband and I decided to meet Ballerina this morning. OMFG. I have been a ball of knots and nerves since we made the plans. We decided to go paint pottery figuring we could talk or not talk while painting.
We had a fantastic time!!
We started off the day at 7am even though my alarm was set for 9. Nerves. Nerves all around. While waffling on what to wear, Husband started playing fun music so we were dancing around the house in a wild frenzy. It was the perfect thing to help relax our nerves. I opted for a non-fangirl shirt which was, quite frankly, difficult. I have so many that they outnumber every other shirt in my closet. Anyhow, we planned on breakfast out our favorite diner, but the wait was just too long so we went to McDonald’s.
The pottery place opened at 11 and we were set to meet there at 11:15. We were there for about 20 minutes before they arrived. I was actually scared to pick up the pieces bc my hands were shaking so much! Husband was sitting up front and had started painting when he yelled back to me that they were there.
Poor Ballerina was so scared that she just stood in the doorway for several long minutes paralyzed with fear. We talked, tried to calm her then finally I said I was going back to pick my piece and he went back to painting. I did not want to rush this! We were all nervous as it was. I went back and talked to TH – this was a “therapeutic visit” – and he said she was really excited but so nervous. Yep, I get that. We were still talking when she came back and said she was ready now so we picked out a piece for her. She was deciding between a Hello Kitty figurine and a penguin piggy bank. I helped her debate the merits of both and she picked the penguin so she could save her money in it. <3
We picked paints, I grabbed a yarn bowl then we settled in at the table with Husband. The 3 of us proceeded to chat, paint, and learn about each other for the better part of 3 hours. The chaperones went “on a walk” but I could see them peeking around the corner to see how we were doing. When they came back, Ballerina said “oh do I know you? Who are you?” which I took to be a good sign that she was comfortable with us. While this was a supervised visit, they wanted to make sure we were able to get to know each other. For most of the time, they were in the back room.
Her penguin (Ms. Penguina), his drawing (Mr. Penguino), my yarn bowl and his chili bowl.
As we were leaving, she looked sad and told me that it was her disappointed face. I wrapped my arm around her back and said this wasn’t the last time she was seeing us then steered her through the door. At the cars we gave her hugs then went our separate ways. TH told us that the ball is in our court, but we want it in hers too. We have tentative plans for next weekend but only if she wants to hang out with us again. This is her life and future too.
As much as we want this, it would not be fair to force anything upon her – or any child – if they were unsure or didn’t want it. I know that we made the decision to grow our family through adoption, but it didn’t fully click until we were matched what a huge and amazing decision this is for her as well. She is old enough to know and comprehend everything that is happening and decide “do I want these total strangers to be my new parents?” and in a relatively short time too. Yes, of course she has therapists, case workers and other adults helping her with the process as we have the same people plus our huge support system.
Honestly, I cannot imagine what thoughts must be going through her mind right now. I hope with all my heart and soul that she wants to see us again and move forward, but it is a huge and major decision to make in her young life.