A Little Intelligent Geek Humor

Puns for Educated Minds…Do you have one?

1. The fattest knight at King Arthur’s round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One said to the other, ‘You stay here; I’ll go on a head.’
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, ‘Keep off the Grass.’
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism it’s your count that votes.
20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine.
21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’
23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, ‘I’ve lost my electron.’ The other says ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes, I’m positive.’
25. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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Favorite Audiobooks?

I live my life like I am pregnant. I don’t drink, smoke, or take major risks. I don’t eat weird foods or go on roller coasters. In short, I live like I’m carrying precious cargo. Lately, that’s all I think about and our conversations about new baby names, talk of twins, etc don’t help. It’s almost like the wedding ring on my finger meant free reign on baby brain. Yes, I have issues.

Right now I am searching Audible.com for a pregnancy or conception book. Hey, I have a free book credit to use up!

OK OK, it doesn’t need to be a pregnancy book. What are your favorite audiobooks or authors?

I have all the Harry Potter’s and Twilight’s and a ton of other books, but I’m always up for more stuff to listen too!

Also, does anyone want to see me finish up the 30 Days Meme or is it basically pointless by now?

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Babies on the Brain x2

Sure, we may have been husband and wife for, um, 18 days, but we both have babies on the brain. At a family dinner a couple weeks ago, he asked my mom and aunt if there were twins in our family. Twins.

I want twins. He wants twins. It appears that we both have at least one set of fraternal twins in our families. A set of twins would be the only time I birthed babies. No twins and we’d attempt to have 4. Yeah, I said 4.

Why are we rushing into kids? We’re not, not really. The end of November we will be together for 3 years. I know a lot of people say wait and enjoy the first year of marriage and travel together and just get settled in. Do we wait until we’re “ready” or accept that we’ll never truly know when that happens? Or do we say we’re not getting any younger and go for it?

Anytime we discuss kids, we bring up how old we’ll be when they graduate college assuming they’re born within the year. Currently it’s 52 and almost 58. Yes, we’re late bloomers. By the time my mom was my age, she’d already had the 3 of us. Steve’s mom already had 4 by my age.

Also, we’ve picked out 2 names, 1 for each sex, and lately he wants to change them. Our boy has been named for well over a year: Elias Tiberius. He thinks Tiberius might be a bit too big for a kid and that he’d have too much to live up to.. OK, maybe I agree. But I still like it. And his first name will be Elias regardless of his middle name. Our girl name was picked out during the last few episodes of LOST: Evangeline Lily or Evie as a nickname. His theory is naming a kid after someone is a little weird. I never thought I would, but I might have to fight for Evangeline. Whether her middle name is Lily or not, I’m not sold on it.

Who knows. What happens, happens. Do I want to be pregnant immediately? Sure. Will it happen? Ehh not likely. I did buy What to Expect Before You’re Expecting last weekend as like a prep course. I haven’t cracked it open yet except to read him parts as we were standing in line.

What is your Birth Path? How long after getting married is/ was your plan to have/ adopt kids and are you on track?

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Really, Marie Claire?

How many other posts are going to be about this article today and in the coming weeks? I fully intended this to just be a tweet [and Facebook] post, but I had a really hard time staying within my 140 characters and not stringing together 4 or 5 tweets. So here we are…

The post in question on Marie Claire [magazine]: Should “Fatties” Get a Room? (Even on TV?)

This post can’t get much more offensive. And not just to me, but to the thousands of commenters, Tweeters and Facebook posts degrading the author, the magazine and, of course, the post. I have my own issues with weight loss and never would have seen this blog post, as I don’t read Marie Claire (and now, never will), had it not been all over my Twitter and Facebook feeds.

Do I want the author, or her editor, fired? I dunno. Do I want them reprimanded? Yes. Seriously reprimanded! The author wrote about an emotional subject and, as it turns out, she’s struggled with anorexia for many many years. The editor, however, published her rant. I saw posted elsewhere that had she been talking about a different race, they would both be prosecuted almost immediately.

It’s just disgusting that people think like this. Do people look at me and think that I am repulsive, vile and just plain disgusting for being so fat? If so, I really hope that they don’t pretend to be my friend. Anyone that thinks that way needs to get the hell out of my life. Not because I don’t want to deal with snide comments, but because I have no use for negativity or fake-to-my-face people in my life. Unfriend me, it’s OK. You don’t have to tell me that this is why.

Phew.

My thoughts on the post? Yes, I know I am fat. I am also healthy, according to my last doctor. In fact, I am the biggest I’ve been in my entire 34 years. And yet I love myself. Most of the time. And my husband, G-d love him, loves me too. In fact, he’s told me that I don’t need to lose weight unless it really bothers me or will make having kids easier on me. Total acceptance even on the days when I don’t accept myself.

That's me, far left. 10 years old in 1986. Hello 80s hair!

What a major change it is to hear that. My mom was always extremely skinny – size 2 or 4 at their wedding 39 years ago – and after having 3 children, she obviously gained weight. Some of my earliest memories, and those I wish I could remove from my brain, are those of being forced to go to diet meeting after diet meeting with my mom, her friends and their “fat” daughters. I’ve seen pictures of myself between ages 10-13 (like the one to the left) and I simply wasn’t a fat kid. We had no video games. We played outside a lot. I was healthy. We biked, skated, and climbed trees. I ate a mostly normal diet. We were all forced to eat “rabbit” food because that’s what mom cooked.

One of my most vivid memories from my pre-teen years was the absolute joy at being able to fit into my size 29 [waist] Guess? jeans. I was ecstatic. I was also just going through puberty, so those jeans didn’t last long when the hips expanded into a perfect hourglass figure.

In the last few years, I decided I did want to make a change. It took every ounce of will to join Weight Watchers. I joined, I lost some weight, then I lost my desire to continually count points and not truly enjoy going out. So I quit, and gained weight back. I decided I would rather enjoy my life as best I could.

As it turns out, you only live once. I know! Duh. But yeah, I choose enjoyment over constant struggles.

Even now, with my last batch of blood tests, my doctor is crazy thrilled about how perfect my lab work is. She is of the mindset that healthy means healthy no matter what size your clothes say. Yes, I loved her. She never once said I needed to lose weight. She wasn’t concerned with me being pre-diabetic since my numbers were perfect. She even flat out told me I was far healthier than half her super skinny, always dieting patients with horrible lab results. Them, she was worried about. Me, not so much.

Her main concern for me was how much dieting at such an early age had traumatized me. She promoted healthy eating, not buying frozen dinners chock full of preservatives and other crap, and moving more frequently. Since then, I won’t even touch frozen dinners. Most of our meals are home made. I don’t touch fast food if I can help it. (And by that, I mean I eat fast food like once every few months.) I actually eat very little and pick at my food unless I’m actually famished.

So there you have it… my 2 cents on the subject. OK, more like 5 since this turned out longer than I’d anticipated. πŸ˜€

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October 26 TMW Post

Hello hello! Did you miss me? I know, I know. 3 of us brides sorta dropped outta sight there for a few weeks between our weddings then honeymoons. Me? I have no excuse for last week. We were in Vegas until October 13th, and I can’t wait to go back!

Tweet: Ok folks… Here we go! New twitter name time. It should automatically work, but i’ll be @rbfletcher in a few minutes. Bye bye @msrib

Tweet: it looks odd having a diff name! i’ve been Ms. RIB since i was born. on to bigger & better things as Mrs. Fletcher!

So yeah, I’m MARRIED! We had a truly truly amazing time in Vegas. I know it was one of the craziest, most hectic weekends of the year (and since 07-07-07) there, but it really wasn’t bad at ALL. Sure, there were tons of people and a crapload of brides, but isn’t there always? I mean, it’s Vegas Baybee!

Taken by my brother’s girlfriend

Hopefully by now, 2+ weeks later, you’ve seen my wedding day #OWT feed set up by @TweetMyWedding. Seriously, I can watch this over and over again and never tire of all the amazing folks I’ve met on Twitter over the years. So many well wishers!

Tweet: pro pics in hand, so it’s time to make my @inkubook that i won like a million years ago. saving 1 for our pics from @emericphoto

Our pictures are awesome! I look slightly pregnant, but well, I didn’t really do anything to lose weight before the wedding. I know, I’m a bad former bride. Watching all my friends struggle to lose weight and look even more gorgeous on their wedding days, I went the less stressful route and relaxed and spent time sitting on the couch instead of working out. Working out aggravates my horribly knee and ankle, so I decided not to do that. I swam a bit, but that’s about it.

Tweet: RT @emericphoto check out Becca & Steve’s Freemont St. Day-After Session on the blog! http://fb.me/A8MDnD3r

Tweet: We’re on the @LasVegasWed blog!! http://bit.ly/cEarxu Β #101010

My last few weeks have been filled with excitement over receiving our video, pictures, and putting together numerous photo books. I am also trying to get our pictures posted on as many blogs as I can. Seriously, how many people really take 6 months to hand knit their wedding veil?! I might not be gorgeous or skinny, but I still deserve to be posted other places, right? It’s been a great experience being on the TMW blog and I want to expand on that feeling before my fascination with our wedding fades and I switch into mommy blog mode. Hopefully that’ll be soon! Oh yes, I totally bought What to Expect Before You’re Expecting this weekend and we’ve been discussing kids quite a lot. Then again, we are 34 and 3 months shy of 40.

Tweet: This 2 part wedding thing is awesome! Last night our “party committee” started giving themselves assignments so we have to do nothing for it.

My aunt, brother’s girlfriend and her family have basically taken the reigns to plan our January reception. Hello dream come true! They started planning the desserts, meal, music, photography, and everything else. When I asked what they were talking about, they pretty much said don’t worry about it. I know there’s going to be a few surprises – though I did figure out the Mariachi band part already – and I can only say that I am thrilled about it! Sure sure, I’m sure they’ll ask me if there’s something really important and I do hope to find out anything major first. There’s definitely a handful of things that I’ve already started on for the party.

I’ll leave you with a few of our pro pictures… all below taken by Scenic Las Vegas Weddings

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Knitted Veil in Action

You know you wanted to see the veil I painstakingly knit for nearly 6 months, right? RIGHT?!

I love this thing. Seriously. I can’t wait to pass it down to our daughter or, pending no girls, our son’s fiance. Hopefully it’ll stay in great condition for the next 25++ years. Yes, I want my kids to get married in their mid- to late-20s. Early 30s wouldn’t be bad either…

Oh yeah, the veil… TA-DA!

Gorgeous veil in a gorgeous setting… the Bellagio Hotel! *

* Photo credit by Catherine Torres and uploaded to our Shutterfly account.

ps- did you notice that there’s a new header image up there? ^^

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Picture Pages

OK my friends, I have a small dilemma. Or as @atomichris would say, #1stworldproblems.

We have over a thousand pictures from our week in Vegas. Tons of photos from Cathy, Steve and my cameras. There are also nearly 150 pro pictures from the wedding day and an unknown amount from the photo shoot 2 days later. I think it’ll be around 50, but since we haven’t seen or picked them yet, I have no idea.

Last summer, I won 2 photo books, each worth $50, from Inkubook. They expire on November 30th. Off a recent Groupon, I purchased 2 additional books/ whatever from Picaboo up to $100 each. They expire August 12, 2011. I was recently (2 days ago) told that if you submit reviews on TripAdvisor.com, they’ll send you a free 8×8 photo book from ShutterFly. Also, I purchased a 12×12 scrapbook a few days ago for all the things we collected and pictures.

As I wrote this post, I think I solved my dilemma. I do believe I’ll be using the Inkubooks for both sets of pro pictures – 1 book for each day. Using the 2 Picaboo books for our reception, and using the Shutterfly books for parent books, gifts, or anything else. If those don’t get used, I know I can get more by just writing a new review. Oh, and the scrapbook for trip pictures – no wedding pictures.

I have no idea if I’d make all these books if I hadn’t already won or purchased them.

What would you do? How would you handle it?

And I couldn’t leave you without a picture after mentioning that I have over 1000 in my possession right now. =)

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We did it! Got Married, that is

I would like to introduce you to… Mr. and Mrs. Steve and Rebecca Fletcher!

For reals, we had an amazing time.

We gambled a little bit. We won some and lost some (money, that is).

We ate a crapload of cake and cupcakes from the utterly amazing Retro Bakery. We were even featured in their blog! (Scroll to “The CUPCAKES/CAKES O’ the WEEK”)

We saw two Cirque de Soleil shows – KA and Zumanity.

We took over a thousand pictures between our cameras and cell phones.

We walked more then our feet could handle and even got a few blisters.

We had a gorgeous suite at the Luxor for all 5 nights thanks to the amazing upgrade.

We met the lovely Danielle (@d_consiglio) of the @luxorlv twitter feed.

We played dress up – twice.

We spent a ton of money on food and a few souvenirs.

All in all, we had a BLAST!

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