1-adoption posts

Used to gather any and all adoption posts

Jul312013

Stormageddon

When I’m out driving, I “talk” to my kid in the back seat. And when I do, I call him Stormageddon… or Stormie.

Why?

Bc I’m somewhat of a lunatic. That or a Whovian.

But seriously, I talk to him about my driving, stupid drivers, teaching him to drive, learning to drive in Miami in rush hour in a huge station wagon, vacations we’re going to take, his homework, and so much more. Better get used to it if we’re going to be stuck together in the car for over an hour to and from work as long as I’m stuck working on the beach.

Yes, I know I may be nuts, but that’s ok. The voices in my head* say this is “normal” akin to pregnant ladies talking to their bellies.

* There aren’t really voices in my head. Dearest adoption case workers that ultimately find my blog, I am not hearing voices. Promise.

Jul302013

Genogram

My completed family genogram for class tonight. I decided, in the end, to do what was asked and not add the family that I’m close with aside from these. I wonder if it’ll be like “oh you know their names so you must be close,” as opposed to, “oh you know their birth dates so you must be close” like the example.

Yeah. I’m apparently terrible with numbers. Sure, I could’ve looked up the names and birth dates on FB, but I opted not to do so as we were supposed to go off memory.

clicky clicky to see it all… even though most of the names are blurred out. 🙂

Jul292013

Gigantic Recap and Update

Dearest blog, I am not intentionally ignoring you. There is just so much going on that I feel overwhelmed. And by that, I mean I don’t know where to start writing. I’m going to just jump in and we’ll go from there and play catch up later. Deal? xoxo, Becca

+++++

We have now had 2 classes. 2! Only 7 more left before graduation. We’re learning a lot and meeting new people. Awesome people. Other people that want to open them hearts and home to foster children. Yeah, I like our classes. We have homework after every class that will all become a part of our adoption packet. The first week was easy short answer and circle the best answer type questions. For the 2nd week it was a lot more in depth. We have to create a family tree of sorts – a genogram. It is a charted representation of our immediate family through our grandparents. This is mine, not filled in. And as Steve pointed out, the 2 sides are not connected, but that was unintentional.. even though we aren’t blood related to that side.

Check out all the information we will be learning. That’s 2″ of learning to deal with/ understand the children in Foster Care that we will be adopting.

The biggest thing I am learning in our classes is how desperately there is a need for foster parents in Miami. Like class derailed for 5+ minutes talking about it. So if you’ve ever even remotely considered being a Foster Parent, please do it. I can put you in contact with our licensing specialists who will be forever grateful.

Let’s see, quick recap of the other adoption-related things in the last couple weeks..

The House – We re-upped our lease for 6 more months so the Home Study will be done on this apartment. I also bought a sturdy wood over-the-toilet hutch thingie and sturdy wood tower. We currently have wibbly-wobbly metal shelving in there. The metal shelves were moved to the laundry room for chemicals and cleaning products. #SafetyFirst

Welcome Gift – I am crafty. Duh. While we are waiting on this process, I want to make something for my child. While we are leaning towards a son, we could very easily be better matched with a daughter first. So whatever I make needs to be gender-neutral. I took an informal poll on my FB page and in Ravelry group about yarn colors – oh yeah, it’s going to be a blanket – and narrowed it down to a teal/turquoise, pale grey and brown. It will either be blocks or a Fibonacci sequence, below.

Life Story – Our overall homework assignment is writing a life story. We have to do it individually and turn it in before class ends. It too will be sent to the Adoption Case Worker assigned to us. I started mine and have been jumping around to “easy” and “not painful” subjects. I have about 6 more weeks to work on it.

Picnic – We went to our first Adoption event this weekend. SDFAPA had a picnic in Key Largo and, even though the weather sucked, we had a good time. We learned a lot as there were both Foster and Adoptive parents there, as well as the famous KB from my mystery phone call. We were invited to their next meeting in a few weeks.

Updated Timeline –

Classes end September 10
We will be assigned to an Adoption Case Worker within 2-3 weeks after that to do our Home Study
Once the Home Study is completed and officially in “the books,” we could be matched at any time.
We keep hearing different “child in home” answers so it could be anywhere from 1 month to 6 prior to the adoption being finalized.

I promise to not let it go so long between posts next time!

Jul172013

Welcoming an Older Child Home

When couples adopt or have biological babies, they typically have a baby shower. But what to do if you’re adopting an older child? I found this fantastic website with a TON of amazing information for honoring and welcoming adopted children into your family.

After chatting with my friend Jackie a few nights ago, I totally want to have a meet my son/adoption shower for items to build his library of books and kid-friendly movies, show him all the love and support we have, and, most importantly, introduce him to his new family and our friends.

From the above-mentioned website, these are some of my favorites ideas to use. Also, I really want to find (or make) some awesome wall prints, artwork, creative bookshelves and more to make him feel really at home.

Making our own version of a “baby book‘ from the moment he came into our home (including excerpts from this blog)
A necklace with the date of their child’s birth, the date the child was placed in their home, and the date the adoption was finalized by the court.
Or maybe a plaque with these dates
Or a picture frame to display the photo with the judge and entire team on their adoption day.
Some families have a fun sense of humor and would enjoy a t-shirt or bumper sticker that says, “Yes, I’m their REAL mom.”
Others are more sentimental and like verses such as, “You grew in my heart.”
A birth announcement only works after a child is born. What does a family do when they want to announce the addition of an adopted child to their family? Not everyone is handy enough with a computer to make their own invitations and announcements. They may not have time, either.
Anything with the child’s new name (almost all children have at least a part of their name changed after adoption) is very exciting and meaningful.

There are a few other sites with great ideas to welcome your new little (or not so little) one into your home and family.

Adoption / Foster Care Gifts and Crafts on About.com

Gifts for a former foster mom

Foster Care Adoption Books

Jul162013

Sending him to school out of our district

Seeing as I work 26 miles from home – and in Miami traffic it takes well over an hour to get there and back – and Steve works nights and sleeps days, we have to be creative with the school our child attends. In speaking to the case workers on Friday, they suggested that we look into the Hardship information on the M-DCPS website to see what can be done. That or send him to private school.

Honestly, I am in awe of the Cushman School and would give my left arm to send my children there. Literally, it’s a private school and costs far more then my entire undergrad degree each year. Cushman is a K-8 school and one of the best in the county.

Amongst other things, we have to research and interview schools, pediatrician’s, specialists and dentists and purchase booster seats for our cars, furnish his bedroom, buy clothes, books, etc.

From the M-DCPS website regarding putting him in a school close to my job as opposed to our house:

a. Working Parent Hardship Transfer
The parent or guardian of a kindergarten through eighth grade student of a one-parent or one-guardian family unit who is employed, or a family where both parents or guardians are employed, requests a transfer on the basis that the normal school assignment presents a hardship involving before or after-school supervision. Such request shall be in the form of a signed statement from the employer(s) verifying the parent’s/guardian’s employment, work address, telephone number, working hours; a signed statement from the caregiver verifying the hours the student is cared for as well as the address and telephone number of the caregiver; and any other pertinent information setting forth the nature of the circumstances producing the hardship. This type of transfer must be reviewed annually through the Regional Center serving the assigned school. These transfers should not exceed the assigned percentage of FISH school capacity for the current school year.

We’ve also learned about the McKay Scholarship and Step Up for Students as an option for private school.

Jul152013

After the First Home Visit

The post leading up to our first home visit had a crazy amount of views. Y’all are awesome!

So what happened? Great things!

But first, the prep. I do wish I’d taken pictures of the house a week ago bc right now it looks about 100% different. We are… packrats. Not hoarders, packrats. We are aware of it and know it’s a problem. We just like our stuff. Having a deadline of people coming into our home that will change our life and place a child with us was the greatest motivator ever.

Ever.

We rented a storage unit. We created lists of what to do. We decluttered. We cleaned. We cleaned out. We threw out 4 huge bags of garbage. We donated. We organized. Oh boy did we organize.

F and T were prompt and arrived right at 11am. After locking Lola in her crate and Phoenix in the front bathroom, we chatted at first about what we were looking for (age and gender) and we said we preferred a boy and our range remains 5-11 years old. So when I refer to “him” I am making an assumption that we will have a son as our first placement. Yep, we plan to do this a few more times. Thursday night, we finally decided that we wanted a single child instead of siblings. We would rather focus 100% on 1 child then try to scramble and have 2 kids. In the future, I hope to adopt a sibling group still.

We showed them around the house and the back yard. We did the whole “this is what we have now, and these are our plan for safety of our son. The yard is totally fenced in and we do the upkeep (the association takes care of the front yard) so no worries there. They liked the size and we talked about maybe getting a grill and a table with chairs for the yard. In the laundry room, the plan is to install shelves in the empty space over the water heater for chemicals and cleaning supplies. It is outside and has a lock on the door. In the kitchen, we pointed out that we’re replacing the blue cubes that act as a pantry with a cabinet with doors. The wine was on top of the fridge, so OK there. We pointed out the changes we’re going to make in the kid’s room by moving Steve’s desk into our bedroom and totally rearranging the layout. I still want the bunkbeds and furniture from my childhood, but another option is to pass our queen bed down and upgrade to a king bed. We’ll see. They were ok with both options, the huge closet and en suite bathroom. The linen and craft closets – not too much will change except better organization. The family/ dining room we will likely just rearrange the furniture and hang more pictures.

After the tour, we talked for a while asking a ton of questions about school districts (more on that tomorrow), our work schedules, public vs private schools, grants and scholarships for private school, the class schedule, Steve’s work schedule possibly affecting class, safety requirements, the timeline, and so much more. They said they’re going to try to get the adoption paperwork to distribute to the class so we can all be on top of it prior to being transferred to the Adoption case workers and the Home Study being completed.

We also discussed the 2 foster/adoption events we are planning on attending – Heroes for Our Kids Celebration at Miami Children’s Museum and the SFFAPA Summer Fun Picnic at John Pennekamp Park

I know I felt so good afterwards. As we were laying in the bedroom after they left and right before Steve crashed from staying awake way later than normal, we talked some more about what happened during the visit.

I literally couldn’t stop smiling after this visit. It really hit me that I could be a mommy by the end of the year. In fact, when I posted..

“I am going to be a mom. And I can’t stop grinning about it”

..on FB, I received so much love and support from my friends. However, it seemed like some thought I was pregnant, which amuses me to know end since I’m totally transparent about this adoption and my infertility.

+++++

On Sunday, we went to Kmart and looked at booster seats, little boy clothes, bedroom furniture. We also bought plug socket covers. Yeah, I know it likely won’t make a difference, but at least they can’t say we’re not prepared.

Also, I may have just started using a hashtag for all my adoption posts on FB and twitter #CallMeMommy

Jul132013

This is so not OK

On May 19th, after finding out that CHS was full until September/October, I emailed all the other agencies in Dade county. We obviously had great luck and responsiveness from FRC as they are the agency we’re working with. No one else was really responsive.

Until Tuesday. Yep, 51 days later.

HHCH* replied not with a “oh we’re sorry for not responding sooner but would love to work with you,” but with an invitation to their PRIDE classes.

And they used way too many ALL CAPS for my taste. Ew.

So I responded with “No, we will not be attending. We are working with another agency. I don’t know anything about your agency as no one has ever been in contact with me since I emailed you 2 months ago.”

And she promptly responded to apologize and that she’s not sure what could have happened.

Really?

Thursday morning, another person emailed me about it. I am not planning on responding to her. The only reason I responded on Tuesday was bc it was that I had to RSVP to the class. This email is a total cop out. If your class was full or I had incorrect information, then freakin email me back and let me know. Not an adoption agency? Fine! I don’t want to work with you anyhow as you recommend foster to adopt and we’ve specifically ruled that out.

Hi Becca,

I want to apologize for not emailing you earlier and if I remember correctly the reason was that we had already begun a class and our next Orientation was not until 7/18/13 and you were interested in starting a class right away. In addition, we are not an adoption agency, although you may have the opportunity to adopt a child if the child becomes available to be adopted. We usually recommend our families to foster to adopt where you will have the privilege of fostering a child and/or children and may possibly adopt that child (ren); however, it is not a guarantee.

You may have already begun the classes with CHS on 6/20/13. Please advise if you have not and if you were still interested.

Thanks so much!

Here to Love and to Serve His Kingdom,
NT

—

* In all fairness, I was hesitant to even go with this agency as their website tells about their mission which is very… religious. Neither of us are religious – spiritual, yes, but not religious – and just reading through the site made me a little uncomfortable. So like KB said, everything happens for a reason.

Jul122013

First Home Visit

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Today we have our first Home Visit at 11am.

I’m nervous like The Doctor when he was about to lose Amy and Rory to the Weeping Angels. Yes. I am a Whovian. Oh, and a geek.

We’ve spent the last week decluttering the house. Cleaning up. Sweeping. Mopping. Re-caulking the tub. And about a million other things.

Keep us in your thoughts!

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