Foster Adoption

Furniture and Frustrations Galore

Not much is happening on our end..

The new furniture was delivered and it is awesome! I finally feel like we live in a grown ups home. The rug and couches make everything look so much better. The dresser is just amazing and so pretty that even if this adoption doesn’t happen*, we’re moving it into our bedroom. We’ve removed all the cartoon, superhero and Doctor Who artwork from all the walls and are going to hang it in the kids room. Yeah that sucked. I was so used to seeing the Andy Warhol-esque Darth Vader, psychedelic 4th Doctor, the Avengers arm wrestling and tribute to Jim Henson art in the bedroom. (What do you mean we have weird taste in art?? lol) Not to mention all the other art in the living room and kitchen.

Going along with the grown up theme, we took down everything and need to re-frame them all with black frames. Black couch, black frames, yellow walls (not our choice), and a multi-colored rug to tie everything together.

Steve has to re-do his fingerprints for some unknown-to-us reason so he’s going in Friday for that and to meet with our ACW. She wanted me to come down as well but I’m running a 600+ person event Friday at work so that’s not happening. Besides, she’s coming to our house on Saturday for home visit #2.

No, no she’s not. She just emailed to cancel.

I feel like a rock that was rolling along so nicely and gathering momentum that just smashed into a wall with a gap slightly smaller than the width of the rock. Like we have to fight to push through to get this done. Just letting the process work seems to not be working for us. In fact, it is frustrating both of us and normally Steve is pretty unflappable. He’s my rock and even he’s having issues with this whole process.

I know in the end we will have a child and be parents, but… when?

We set our 2nd home visit appointment nearly 3 weeks ago and she just said she had to reschedule due to “an unexpected conflict.” I’m sorry, but that’s not really our problem, is it? If I had a personal issue but had a work thing that was super important, I would have to alter my personal issue or find coverage for the work or personal thing. In fact, I had to email my boss to see if I could leave work early next Tuesday to go deal with this stuff.

This just makes me feel like she’s talking down to us: “Please remember even if the interviews are done in my office, that doesn’t replace that fact that I still need to do a walk thru in your apartment.” Am I over-reacting? Probably. It’s OK, I know this whole process is making me freak out over every little thing.

I really hope my next post has good news in it!

* …anytime soon. We’re getting pretty frustrated with the process, but not nearly as much as my friends M&E in Orlando!

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Adoption Support Group

Yesterday, I went to my first adoption support group meeting. I finally met the very first person I spoke with at Our Kids back in April as she was one of the hosts for the meeting. Thanks to the power of Facebook and texting, I made plans to meet up with 2 other almost-mom’s – J and B – from our PRIDE class. Unfortunately, both were unable to go to the meeting in the end. It was a small group, only about 10 people, but it was interesting to hear from different stages of adoption. I went alone since Steve had to sleep for work last night, but we were the only couple pre-home study. There was a woman that had already adopted a baby, another woman going through the TPR process for her soon-to-be-adopted son, and a couple wanting to foster to adopt. After the meeting, I was able to get a little more insight into the process we’re going through.

We met B&R for breakfast and hang out for a couple hours with them. Yay for a social life! That will definitely be a repeat event in the near future. And one day… with our children!

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Religion for an Adopted Child

(link)

When we began this adoption process, we discussed what religion we would raise our child(ren) and never really came up with a clear answer. It mostly leaned towards whatever religion they wanted and we are certainly willing to explore other religions that we are all comfortable with.

I was raised Jewish… very lax, barely any Hebrew, public school, became a bat mitzvah at 13, confirmed at 16, worked at the temple in the kindergarten for several years and at a few Jewish summer camps, etc. Steve was raised Methodist by a fairly religious mother.

These days, the only religion we have is that I work at a religious school and get the many holidays off. We don’t attend church or synagogue. We exchange gifts on the gift-giving holidays, but not much more. My family often forgets the holidays, I put up my little Christmas tree and sometimes remember to put the menorah up next to it. Though, to tell the truth, I can’t remember the last time I actually lit candles for 1 night let alone 8.

As I mentioned, I work at a religious school – one of the several Jewish schools in the area. Since it is an Orthodox (the most strict) school, I was curious what would need to be done in the off chance that I actually wanted my child to attend. I don’t. Aside from the exorbitant prices, the education doesn’t seem that wonderful and I would much rather let me kids interact with children from all walks of life – every religion, background, upbringing – rather than just a small select group. The more I think about it, the happier I am with my child in a good public school.

Anyhow, a boy or girl adopted child without a clear-cut parental lineage/ religion would need to be vouched for by an Orthodox Rabbi and given a Jewish name. A girl child needs to be “purified” and dunked in the mikvah – a ceremonial bath. A boy child, however, would need a circumcision if it wasn’t done as an infant. If it was, there would still be a ceremony in which needles and blood was involved.

I’m going to have to go with a h-e-double hockey sticks no! on that one.

So I was tooling around in the Adoption section of Kveller.com and found this

Jewish law does allow for the conversion of babies and children under the assumption that being Jewish is a privilege that the child would want. The caveat is that when the child is 12 or 13 he or she must be presented with the option of renouncing his or her conversion. If, at that point, they choose to accept Judaism or are silent, they are deemed adult converts. (citation)

Basically, we will not be converting our child to any religion until he tells us himself. I will even go to church, temple or other religious building if he wants to explore other religions. There is so much other stuff to think about and I know once he comes to live with us most of this won’t matter anyhow.

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Moving Right Along..

It Takes a Village to Adopt a Child

Why yes, I do plan on using this for all my progress posts

More updates from the list of requirements

  • Drivers license’s DONE
  • Social security cards DONE
  • Marriage license DONE
  • Current lease DONE
  • Paystubs to show we’re gainfully employed – Mine are DONE, we either need to print his or note it in his bank statement
  • Tax returns for the last few years – just need to make the copies
  • Bank statements for all our accounts – Have for mine and our joint account
  • Lola and Phoenix vaccine records – need to make appointment for his annual then get printouts for both
  • Steve’s divorce decree
  • Physical’s for us both – need to make appointments
  • Employment verification for us both – mine is DONE and faxed back already. I emailed our ACW to let her know.
  • A voided check DONE
  • and a few others, plus all the forms and signatures required in the inch thick packet.

Also, I emailed one of my closest friends about the reference and need to mail her the form. Also, Steve’s mom will fill one out so I need to mail it to her as well. My aunt will probably do one as well. Now to contact the others and mail those off as well!

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Progress Report

I started writing this last week after our final class. It was amazing. We wrapped up the lessons, turned in all homework/ life stories/ online assignments, had 5 guest speakers – 2 of which I’d been put in touch with months ago via my MPC – and lots of food. So. Much. Food. During the breaks and after class we chatted with everyone, exchanged phone numbers and got even more information about the local associations. I can’t believe it was our last class!

Seriously, didn’t we just attend orientation like yesterday??

Now begins the long trek through the finger printing, references, physicals, final home visit and so much more. And then, finally, a Fletchling.

We were told we would be assigned a Case Worker within 2 weeks of class ending. Imagine my surprise when I got a phone call yesterday with our new CWs name!! Yes, it honestly was the greatest birthday gift ever. Eh. Ver.

Oh, you want actual dates? Let’s see what I can plug in…

Updated Timeline

  • Classes ended last Tuesday (dear self, do not drive to class tonight!)
  • We were assigned to our ACW yesterday and she will do our Home Study which includes a second and maybe third home visit and all the paperwork/ fingerprinting.
  • Once the Home Study is completed, we are officially in “the books”
  • We search, they search, I use all the amazing resources I have accumulated, we get matched – ummmm, November? December? I have no idea.
  • From there we have several informal meetings and sleepovers with the child and then he will move in with us after an unspecified amount of time.
  • We keep hearing different “child in home” answers so it could be anywhere from 1 month to 6 prior to the adoption being finalized.

And somewhere in there we have to furnish the Fletchling’s bedroom and piece together a computer for homework. And I have to knit the other 75% of the blanket.

This was taken last night. It’s currently 14″ long out of way more than that…

blankie091613

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And in my 37th Year…

I interrupt this not-so-regularly updated adoption blog to say that in my 37th year (which, BTdubs, starts today) I plan on doing the following things (in no particular order):

  • Becoming a mommy to a sweet little child from foster care
  • Getting a job worthy of my degree, my experiences, and myself
  • Being the best darn wife and mommy I can be
  • Learning as many new web and design technologies as I can
  • Kicking butt on the technologies I already know
  • Being a better person
  • Learning to speak up for myself appropriately
  • Not letting certain people rule my mind simply bc I am related to them
  •              See also, growing a bigger pair (sorry for that graphic!)
  • Sheep2Skein, push it
  • RS Creative Solutions, push it
  • Bake more
  • Actually make the projects I pin on Pinterest

birthday-owl

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‘Tis a Teeny Tiny World

I know, I suck as a blogger. There really hasn’t been too much going on. Except for my awesome newly discovered connection with my Mysterious Phone Caller (She told me I should refer to her this way on here.. lol)

Ready for this?

I friended her on FB and saw we had some people in common. One was my aunt. Weird, but OK as she seems to know like half of Miami. I happen to be at my aunt’s office that afternoon so I asked how she knew MPC (ha!) and she said she’s know her parents for a long time. Turns out they live down the street from each other and MPC also knows my cousins.

Weird! But that’s not all. Oh no, there’s more.

I posted something on FB and was going back and forth with one of my oldest frieds about one of our campers having something to do with it. MPC popped in to ask what camp. We went back and forth only to discover that the ONE year she was a camper there was the ONE year that I was a counselor. I attended as a camper for like 8 years prior to that.

Small world? No, tiny world!

And all bc someone told her about my blog and that she should read it.

This relates how?

We were emailing back and forth about the teeny tiny world and she said

Can you send me the specifics of what type of child you are looking for? I want to start a search to see if you can’t start some visits with potential children and try to move along the process.

*jaw drop*

*pick jaw up off keyboard* and responded then asked if she knew about the timelines. She didn’t, but said…

I really don’t know time frames but I will try to push on my end 🙂

+++++

I love this lady!

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Family Research

The more I dig into the past, I think I might regret it. Hello can of worms!

I’ve been chatting with my [newly discovered] cousin several times a week and have found out some rather shocking things about my family. No, I’m not at liberty to give details. It’s not my place to reveal that stuff. Let’s just say that my family should be a lot more open to adoption. A lot.

This ties is really well with our classes the last few weeks. Last week we discussed Loss and this week was about Creating and Supporting Family Relationships. With all my new discoveries about my own family and finding new [to me] family members, I sort of feel like I will be able to better relate to my child. Where he’ll be removed from his family and may have questions later on, I would like to help him. We certainly plan on being the best possible parents, but I know about those gaping voids that family can fill. I’ve felt that I’ve had one for years and now it’s packed to bursting.

In class last night, we were reminded that family relationships are not just birth parents. They also include siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and other extended family. Steve and I have been discussing this a lot. Every possible adult in a child’s family is given the opportunity to adopt a child once parental rights are terminated IF it is in the best interest of the child to remain with family. Obviously this isn’t always the case. We as prospective adoptive parents need to decide how little or how much we plan on being in contact with their families. We also have to decide on the relationships we maintain with his foster family. ultimately, we will allow him to decide how little or how much he wants and try to respect his wishes as best we can.

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